Vicious Cycle

I met her that night I went out with guys. It started off unlike most situations of this nature, pure innocence. I was sitting at the bar watching the game, trying to see what my good friend did on his debut night on the court of his first NBA game. The fellas were nearby playing pool and mingling with the women that were around. I was uninterested because I had a girl at home, we were serious, I cared for her, plus the game was on! But after about 15 minutes of that, my attention shifted and a sudden weakness passed through my body. A bad, bronze skin, beautiful faced woman sat next to me, ordered a drink, and started commenting on the game. I ignored the first few statements, trying not to make eye contact or conversation, but I was surely unable to avoid her essence or how beautiful she was. I tried to focus my attention back toward the game and the game only, and then she said something. I felt compelled to counter, because of what was said, she had called my boy weak! So I replied very salty, "You crazy!, That's my boy, he's real" She laughed and broke his game down to a T, surprisingly very accurate too, not missing a beat. I was amazed at a woman having that insight and capacity of the game, not saying it wasn't possible but it just caught me off guard, and I was drawn in. The night carried on and we convo'd about numerous things: hoop, life and our past, until it was time to leave. And then the first akward moment showed its face. She asked to keep in contact, said she had a great time, enoyed my company and would like to do it again. In my head I'm like "Ahhhh". Because this woman is gorgeous, smart and very appealing. I too, enjoyed the random time spent with the woman but I had a girl at home! I knew it was wrong, but I give her the number anyway... DANG! That was my second mistake though, my first was not telling her I had a girl at home from the very beginning. But we exchanged numbers regardless, and my naive self thought she'd never call. Man, was I wrong. A week later when my girl was out of town, the blackberry rings, its her and she wants to see me. So at this point I have many decisions to make and even more thoughts forming in my thick skull. I make excuses to see her, telling myself, "Its ok, she's cool" and "I can have female friends, right?". So yea, I went. We met at the same place, shot some pool, had some drinks and laughed the whole night, not realizing we had so much in common. By this time I knew I had messed up and I was in too deep. Walking her to the car to say goodnight, still smiling from the night we just enjoyed, we kissed. Definitely one of the most intense, passionate and real kisses I've ever had, I was taken back for moment. Thinking of my girl, but it was too late. The wrong had already been done, I cheated. After the kiss I had mixed feelings, she was the complete opposite. Her face was glowing and I could see her heart on her sleeve. I knew I had to leave. After returning home, I sat and thought of what to do next. My girl would be home in 3 days and I couldn't decide between being a man, own up to my unfaithfulness, risking losing her, or holding on to the secret forever. I was torn. When she arrived she was so happy to see me, this made me feel worse, my heart just sank, but I knew what I had to do. So I told her, breaking her heart and causing the end of our relationship of 3 years. I was sick for weeks, mad at myself for allowing this to happen. But at the same time I was perplexed at the fact the girl I cheated with hadn't called since that night. I found that to be mysterious. So I picked up my phone and called her, and what she told me was even more sickening. She told me she hadn't called because she was disappointed in herself because she too was in a relationship with guy she loved and cared for. She told him what she had done and he was furious, but he didn't end their relationship, he choose to work through it and forgive her if she choose to never see me again. It seems he was a believer in second chances. I barely responded to the story she shared, not knowing what to say, she apologized and we hung up. Now, I'm feeling helpless, stupid, abandoned and confused all at the same time. I sat for awhile thinking about the vicious cycle I was just involved in and how I thought it could never happen to me, my thoughts just surfaced. My next move would be critical... It was only two things left for me to do, it was simple, I had to learn from this situation and move on. And that's exactly what I did.