Supposed TO...

Supposed to be a millionaire two summers ago, well according to MY time, which is irrelevant. But the truth is, I hadn't added the major component to my life, my Lord and His will. The Lord's plan for our life is ALL that matters. To not be on His side is suicide and I wasn't on His side or time. We've all heard the term, "God works in mysterious ways". I think that's a huge understatement.

Supposed to be in the NBA by now, well according to MY time, which is irrelevant. You see, the doctors said I'd be 6'4, and I believed them. My coaches said if I changed schools I'd get more recognition for my game. The newspapers said I was one of the best in my class. All of these voices, all of these opinions.. Irrelevant! The only voice, the only plan that has any validity to me comes from the One I put all my trust in NOW.

Supposed to marry my ex by now, well according to MY time, which is irrelevant. I wasn't faithful, I wasn't truthful and I at times I couldn't be trusted. All characteristics needed to sustain a successful love relationship. All things God revealed to me later on in my life. These things I have now, thanks to God and his mercy. I could have been that way forever, but He had something else in store for me.

All of these things we say, we were supposed to be, supposed to do, supposed to have mean NOTHING. You must have the right coach leading you in the right direction. We will always go through rough times and everything will never be perfect. But what is important is, GROWTH. We must be obedient and trust the outline for life God has for us. We're so quick to say everything happens for a reason, and in most cases it does. But we also have to remember we've been given the gift of free will, and some of the decisions we make can detour us off of the road we're predestined for.

Trust God through it all, and you will have it all, all that matters at least.

Side BARS:

PTL Everyboody, Wassup MOM DUKES! (Special shout out to her FOR NO REASON.)

My CHURCH Bowling Night is tonight and I'm pumped. World Won for Christ, definitely on the move. And while we're on the subject of church, I'm looking for aspiring gospel artists (singers, writers and a rapper), for a Young Adult event I'm organizing this summer. Email me at youngceos1@yahoo.com if you or someone you know may be interested.

All FACEBOOK heads! I will be deleting my .book at the end of the month. I have many reasons for this, but simply put..it's just something that needs to be done.

WISE WORDS FROM A DECENT MAN: "Wait your turn. Because its coming"-MA

Summer is coming fast which means '09 is pretty much over. I've been known to have some pretty crazy summers, but a lot of the time it was wild and frivolous fun. I wonder what this summer will bring now that I've made some changes. I'm sure it'll be very eventful, and many challenges will arise, but I'm prepared. Also, big plans have been made, but I believe and understand God's plan is the ONLY one that counts, so if it's His will, things will come to fruition. DIOS QUIERE! Oh yea, I'm brushing up on my Spanish, it's a little rusty. Shout out to my little bro, who's in AP Spanish III by the way. But that's enough rambling.. I'm done for now.

These are your ANNOUNCEMENTS!

Everybody have a blessed and safe weekend.

ALA .

Growth? Maybe Just A Little..

I always talk about forward progression, its probably one of my favorite terms to use to date. I tend to think about it a lot. Often I'll find myself in prayer, but really having a conversation with the Lord, asking him to answer some of the questions I had. Often times there were simple answers like: The need for certain things in my past to be left by the waste side; a process I believe still isn't finished. However, when a decision like this is made, a lot of things that used to be normal to you lose form, you don't see situation the same as you did before, things you used to laugh at are no longer funny, thoughts you used to think are no longer acceptable, words you used speak have become forbidden. Not only habits and consistencies have to be left alone but many people will be cut out too, close friends included, and some times even family. There's is some uneasiness that comes with it though, especially with the ones you've been close with for so long, but a wise man knows better things lie ahead. Not to mention, it is written, there comes a time for everything, and everything has a place under the timing of God (Eccles. 3).

I've never been good with separation between people. I never dealt with it well. It didn't matter if it was a relationship of mine, or when my parents had their time apart, or even when friends of mine would choose to no longer be friends. I just didn't like it, and it always made me feel a certain way and I never knew why. But this was all before I understood that bible verse. Its funny looking back now, remembering all the excess baggage I would carry with me, all the company I kept, all the decisions I've made, especially the bad ones (no pun intended). Looking back and seeing myself as I was doesn't hurt though, and I rarely beat myself up about it, because it is what it is, my PAST. I've grown and did some fine tuning in my life. I'm at the point where I can look back, laugh and SEE the growth and the lesson learned. It doesn't hurt that I have faith in the fact that God had HIS reasons for most of the stuff either. (I say most, because there were definitely times I just refused to listen, SMH. Man, if it wasn't for HIS mercy) I guess that's the part that makes me laugh, just thinking about His vastness/greatness makes me reveal a smile.

I am no where near done growing physically, naturally or spiritually though, and that's simply because God isn't finished with me, as long as I move in His direction. I'm sure 3 or 4 years from now I'll be able to look back on 2009 and say, "I could've done some things differently". And I'm fine with that. This is my life, I'm told you only get ONE, so you should believe I'm going to learn as much as possible, love all, forgive as I would want to be forgiven, be a contributor beyond measure, and an example of kindness. My goal is to just have a gentle spirit, period. These are important qualities, and I believe they shouldn't be taken lightly. I know I'm blessed so its the very least I can do. Life is good, God has been merciful, yet giving continually and I feel like growth and knowledge are flowing my way. So I'm gonna let it all soak in, say my prayers and dream....BIG!

Shout out to everybody, God is Great! Lights out!

.....on my BLACKBERRY.

To THE People!

PTL! Wassup everybody, how's it going? Hope all is well, hope everyone and their families are blessed.

I don't have a story for you guys this time around. Just want to share some of my thoughts and show some appreciation. First, I'm gonna talk about this whole blogging thing and what its done for me. A lot of people say stuff about people with blogs, I've been called weird, a loser, weak, etc. But I really could care less because I know what the blessing God have promised me and writing is one of them. I never plan on making money from this or even expanding further than this page, I honestly just do it for fun. I'm glad people support it, I'm thankful for the comments, I appreciate alllll the love. But once again, honestly, I just do it for fun and the love of writing.

The second thing I want to address is, about my actual posts. I just want to answer some questions that have been asked frequently, like : Do I really write this stuff? Who am I talking about? Blah, Blah, Blah!? Ummm.. Ok. So.. I write everything that I post, no plagiarism here. If I do take a quote or something from some where or some one, I'll most likely use quotation marks to distinguish it frommy actual words. To answer the other question.. Some of the posts are definitely about people in my life, certain situations, and specific times in my life. Sometimes it'll be an exact feeling that I'm dealing with that particular day and I'll just pull the blackberry and start going. My inspiration comes from everything and a lot of people around me. But to me, that's just writing period. The writers/authors I like to read talk about real life stuff, express real feelings and that's what I like to do also.

The 3rd thing I wanted to talk about is.. these playoffs! So DOPE, Ooohh weee! It's only night 4 of the 40 games in 40 nights. My Lakers are 2-0 heading into Utah on Friday, moving closer and closer to the sweep. Everybody is playing really well, TA and Gasol have been outstanding. Kobe is doing his usaul amazing-ness. Everybody in the West is either 1-0 or 1-1 right now, no one is 2-0. The Houston Rockets are looking impressive even though they lost tonight. The only team I'm worried about is the beast in the east, Cleavland, but we wont have to see them until the Championship (if they make it). They're really looking good though, LeBronias is a monster! He just dunks and lays everything. Plus his supporting cast is playing just as well up to this point. So it should be very interesting. So all I can do is keep watching!

Lastly, but certainly not least, I want to talk about my God, my Lord, my ROCK and what HE's done for my family and I. He has been sooo GOOD. For about 6 months my parents have been looking to buy a house. Now most people wouldn't think twice about buying a home, but buying one at this time is definitely not happening often. The market is terrible and the so called recession has everybody shook! But my family and I know that with God, any and everything is attainable. After searching and having our heart set on a few homes early on in the process, God finally gave us the OK this past week. We got the best house of all. My mom is happy, brother and pops are satisfied, and I'm just grateful, thankful for the Lord's blessing. I know there are more to come, so I'm going to continue to stay in line, serve him, and practice obedience. And for those of you that think its fake or unreal over here, just try God. We've tried everything else, but the only one who can save, bless and multiply is God. And no one is going to be perfect, but He's knows everything, our hearts included, so as long as that is in the right place, we'll be just fine!

Alright I'm OUT.. I know this was a lot of random stuff, but thanks for reading. Hope yall enjoy it. Peace!

Victoria & I

So I did what any man in my situation would do, I left. After all, the relationship was beyond a strain, and even though my heart was in it, I couldn't help but feel there was an unfilled space that required to be filled for us to ever have a chance. And although we both agreed this separation was needed,with me still feeling attached, I just knew it was the right thing to do, we had to grow. It was hard and I I had so many questions. Like why not sooner? Why did I even met her? Was it true love? I understood but I didn't want to.

It had been 1 month after our 2 year anniversary. We seemed to be "in love" and I always believed she could be the ONE.

We met in the city, and as soon as I saw her my first instinct said approach her. This was no ordinary task for me, mainly because they're went many women I had approached in my life time, I usually left it up to chance. But today was different, and my confidence said otherwise.
She was shopping alone, how I often did myself, so it made things easier. Beautiful in her own right, possessing the essence of what I thought to be an angel, I had to know her name. So I asked. Victoria. That was her name.

Victoria wasn't like most people, she dreamed big, loved hard and was as down to earth as they come. Still, there were parts of her I had to learn to love, which excited me, because she challenged my mind, expressed emotion, extremely intelligent about life, loved me deeply and was almost everything I wanted in a woman. She was as sure about herself as the sun was to rising every morning. Feisty as ever and always put up a fight. She approached everything with the attitude of perfection. Flawless was her middle name. Hair, skin, body all impeccable. But still there was something missing, and at this point, learning to love her became a struggle.

The day we separated, I found out a lot about myself. I found out I had a lot of uncertainties about my life, I found out that I hadn't completely forgiven people in my past; which is a must to have forward progression. I found out I had a lot of vulnerable times, I found out I had developed a precariousness about myself that wasn't there before. I picked up a lot of bad habits and that was the day I realized it, that day I realized I could be a better person. But more importantly, I realized that I my life was in dire need of a relationship with God. I realized that for all my other skeletons to be cleaned out of my closet, I needed the ONE that knew me inside and out on my side. My next move was tough but obvious. And even though Victoria and I ended our relationship at the time, my Lord and I lit the fire to ours. And it was the best decision I ever made.

I've been a pastor for over 5 years now. Victoria and I have a 3 year old daughter, who is the apple of my eye. And yes, you're correct, Victoria and I are happily married and doing God's work. She is my by side locked and loaded with full support, she is the woman I've always wanted, she is my wife, my best friend, my first lady. I thank God everyday for His plans.I'm thankful because He choose me and also because His plan for my life was way better than mine could have ever been. By making the decision to listen I've been able to, little by little, apprecieve His will and discern about His love. Simply put, His love is far greater than any noun the mind can think of. He taught me how to love my wife, build a truthful Church, create business and jobs, and all at the same time He teaches me how to love and serve Him more and more each day. He cleaned me up and gave me the things I've always dreamed of (wife, child, health, happiness, wealth) and all because I gave my life to Him, and I'd do it all over again, no hesitation. To God be the glory for my life, my wife and my heartbeat.

God In ME = Muy Fuego!

PTL! (Praise The Lord)

Wassup everybody.. I know some of yall may have heard this, but for you others, I hope it blesses you tremendously. Mary Mary is and HAS been fire for a very long time. I've met them once and they are definite saints of God and they truly love the Lord. I support the movement, I'm apart of the movement, and this song is killer. So with that saidd ENJOY, and be blessed!!!



Remember! God is GREAT, and the fight is on!

P.S. Here are the lyrics for the people who are interested in them ;-).

I just wanna tell the truth mayne [4x]
[Verse 1:]Your so fly your so high
Everbody around you trying to figure out why
Your so cool you win all the time
Everywhere you go man you get alot of shine
Boy like a magnet better yet I have it
Everything you wear people say they got have it
From the sweat suit to the white tee to the gucci
You can probably say people wanna get like me

[Hook:]But what they don't know is when you go home
and get behind closed doors man you hit the floor
and what they can't see is your on your knees
So the next time you get it just tell em

[Chorus:]It's the God in me [5x]
you think I'm so fresh you think I'm so clean
You think I'm so sweet
It's the God in me
[Kiki:]God is in, in me you see

[Verse 2:]You see her style you think she nice
you look at her whip you say the whip tight
You look at her crib you thinkin she paid
you look at her life you think she's got it made
but everything she got the girl's been given
She calls it a blessing but you call it living
When it comes to money she can be a hero
She writes them cheacks with a whole lot of zeros

[Hook:]But whacha don't know is when she get home
and get behind closed doors man she hit the floor
and whacha can't see is she on her knees
And if you ask her she'll tell ya

[Chorus:]It's the God in me [5x]
you think I'm so fresh you think I'm so clean
You think I'm so sweet It's the God in me
[Kiki:]God is in, in me you see
[Kiki:]What is it you think you see
when you see me, you see me
You don't know how much I pray
don't know how much I gave
don't know how much I changed
I'm just tryna explain

[Chorus:]It's the God in me [5x]
you think I'm so fresh you think I'm so clean
You think I'm so sweet It's the God in me
[Kiki:]God is in, in me you see

Vicious Cycle

I met her that night I went out with guys. It started off unlike most situations of this nature, pure innocence. I was sitting at the bar watching the game, trying to see what my good friend did on his debut night on the court of his first NBA game. The fellas were nearby playing pool and mingling with the women that were around. I was uninterested because I had a girl at home, we were serious, I cared for her, plus the game was on! But after about 15 minutes of that, my attention shifted and a sudden weakness passed through my body. A bad, bronze skin, beautiful faced woman sat next to me, ordered a drink, and started commenting on the game. I ignored the first few statements, trying not to make eye contact or conversation, but I was surely unable to avoid her essence or how beautiful she was. I tried to focus my attention back toward the game and the game only, and then she said something. I felt compelled to counter, because of what was said, she had called my boy weak! So I replied very salty, "You crazy!, That's my boy, he's real" She laughed and broke his game down to a T, surprisingly very accurate too, not missing a beat. I was amazed at a woman having that insight and capacity of the game, not saying it wasn't possible but it just caught me off guard, and I was drawn in. The night carried on and we convo'd about numerous things: hoop, life and our past, until it was time to leave. And then the first akward moment showed its face. She asked to keep in contact, said she had a great time, enoyed my company and would like to do it again. In my head I'm like "Ahhhh". Because this woman is gorgeous, smart and very appealing. I too, enjoyed the random time spent with the woman but I had a girl at home! I knew it was wrong, but I give her the number anyway... DANG! That was my second mistake though, my first was not telling her I had a girl at home from the very beginning. But we exchanged numbers regardless, and my naive self thought she'd never call. Man, was I wrong. A week later when my girl was out of town, the blackberry rings, its her and she wants to see me. So at this point I have many decisions to make and even more thoughts forming in my thick skull. I make excuses to see her, telling myself, "Its ok, she's cool" and "I can have female friends, right?". So yea, I went. We met at the same place, shot some pool, had some drinks and laughed the whole night, not realizing we had so much in common. By this time I knew I had messed up and I was in too deep. Walking her to the car to say goodnight, still smiling from the night we just enjoyed, we kissed. Definitely one of the most intense, passionate and real kisses I've ever had, I was taken back for moment. Thinking of my girl, but it was too late. The wrong had already been done, I cheated. After the kiss I had mixed feelings, she was the complete opposite. Her face was glowing and I could see her heart on her sleeve. I knew I had to leave. After returning home, I sat and thought of what to do next. My girl would be home in 3 days and I couldn't decide between being a man, own up to my unfaithfulness, risking losing her, or holding on to the secret forever. I was torn. When she arrived she was so happy to see me, this made me feel worse, my heart just sank, but I knew what I had to do. So I told her, breaking her heart and causing the end of our relationship of 3 years. I was sick for weeks, mad at myself for allowing this to happen. But at the same time I was perplexed at the fact the girl I cheated with hadn't called since that night. I found that to be mysterious. So I picked up my phone and called her, and what she told me was even more sickening. She told me she hadn't called because she was disappointed in herself because she too was in a relationship with guy she loved and cared for. She told him what she had done and he was furious, but he didn't end their relationship, he choose to work through it and forgive her if she choose to never see me again. It seems he was a believer in second chances. I barely responded to the story she shared, not knowing what to say, she apologized and we hung up. Now, I'm feeling helpless, stupid, abandoned and confused all at the same time. I sat for awhile thinking about the vicious cycle I was just involved in and how I thought it could never happen to me, my thoughts just surfaced. My next move would be critical... It was only two things left for me to do, it was simple, I had to learn from this situation and move on. And that's exactly what I did.

The Imperfect Man

I am no where near perfect. I've told my fair share of lies. Broken a heart. Stolen. Been prideful. Judged people. Cheated on a girl I loved. Broke many promises. Declined success. Walked away from good situations. Lost friends. I can't remember the last time I give something 100%. Nor can I remember the last time I saw something through to the end. I can be extremely selfish. I choose not to care about things at the wrong time. I've been called unreliable. I'm known for not answering my phone. I go on occasional haitus', not informing anyone. Sometimes I throw shots at my ex girlfriend and her bum ass boyfriend. See! Smh. I can be a terrible person.

BUT.....

Despite all my imperfections there are those who still choose to love me, God being at the top of that list and my family and friends following Him. I am truly blessed and grateful beyond measure. Also, for the record, I'm not just good at stating my imperfections. I do work to better myself daily. I trust God has a light at the end of my tunnel, and while I'm traveling through that tunnel I believe all of the above mentioned imperfections will be released off of me, I will be become a better person, I will reach success, never quite reaching PERFECTION but running after it with every bit of energy in my body. And although it'll be a fight, its the process that feels the best. This is what I am, and what I believe. Not quite what YOU thought HUH!?

Resurrection of the blog!

Happy Easter Everybody!

I know, I know.. I've been a complete mystery lately! My apologies to the people that actually enjoy reading my posts, sorry its been a while. A lot has been going on in my life this past month. I've been making transitions and I've had some really rough weeks. And I'll be honest, I just haven't felt like writing, until tonight! Some of the problems were situations involving myself, finding inspiration, needing time to strengthen my spirituality and just coping with uneasiness in my transition but I realized along time ago, you just gotta thug it out sometimes; actually you gotta thug it out a lot of the time, matter of fact that should be my new motto, Thug or Die! Lol, ok I'm just being silly cause its late. But seriously, you just have to run towards pain, battle fear and say wassup to hard times, you can't run away from them though. And that's exactly what I'm doing now, because things definitely aren't great, but I still smile knowing my strength come from the Lord above. So with that said, I'm baaaaacccccckkkkkkkkk! Lol